Tv Show Quotes Quotes
1. I normally don’t enjoy making people laugh.
2. That's what she said.
3. Kelly: If I was you, I would just like, freak out and get really drunk, and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Pam: Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks.
4. Why do they fight so desperately to mask what they are?
Or is it that they become who they are when they put on the mask?
Sometimes I wonder what you hide behind, my silent friend.
What mask do you wear?
Or are you just as afraid as the rest of them?
5. I work hard all day. I like knowing that there’s going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.
6. I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
7. I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.
8. Newsflash: You are not special.
9. The people here are amazing debaters. I guess you can say they are master-baters.
10. I’m not a millionaire.
I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close.
Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was 30.
11. Every so often, Jim dies of boredom.
12. I think it's great that the company's making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us.
I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or...and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.
13. My, philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.
14. Maybe we weren't right together, but, it's weird. I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?
15. Close your mouth, sweetie.
You look like a trout.
16. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.
17. We have a gym at home. It’s called the bedroom.
18. Let's have an auction
19. Metadata - The story behind the data.
Getting information is one things, but how it was created - where and by whom - can often be illuminating.
Like most pics people post on Instagram or Facebook, they don't realize they just gifted whatever social media site their camera type, phone model, name and location - all hidden inside the photograph's metadata.
20. I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little.
But on pretzel day?
Well, I like pretzel day.
21. It takes an advanced sense of humor.
I don't expect everybody to understand.
22. The doctor said, if I can't find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I'm going to die.
I'm going to die.
23. Oh my God it’s happening! Everybody stay calm. Stay f*cking calm!
24. Mini cupcakes?
As in the mini version of regular cupcakes?
Which is already a mini version of cake?
Honestly, where does it end with you people?????
25. Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips out your heart for no good reason. And you are nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you, and that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then, suddenly, she’s not your ho no mo.
26. I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.
27. There is no such things as an appropriate joke.
That's why it is a Joke!
We all have them.
Every relationship is a power struggle.
Some of us need to be controlled.
Once in a while, the best course of action is to just ride shotgun.
Stare at the road ahead, and hope it leads somewhere you want to go.
29. Why are you the way that you are?
30. Guess what, I have flaws. What are they?
Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower.
Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.
31. May God speed you. May the Sun not burn your skin. May the rain not make you cold. May stones stay away from your feet. Go like water, and come back like water.
32. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn.
And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one.
I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn't even talk yet.
33. Growing up I performed my own circumcision.
34. Whether you’re scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don’t be.
It’s going to be OK.
35. I stopped caring a long time ago.
36. Who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of a game is that?
37. I still don’t understand why people like sports.
They get so emotional over the weirdest things.
But I do see the beauty in the rules.
The invisible code of chaos hiding behind the menacing face of order.
38. Yes, I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press, and launch that lighthouse into space.
39. Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool.
Because they are un-understandable.
40. I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out.
41. Never half-ass two things.
Full-ass one thing.
Tags: TV Show Quotes |
42. And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.
43. Jim is my enemy.
But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
So Jim, is actually my friend.
But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy.
44. What are your weaknesses?
"I don't have any, a--hole"
45. Michael always says, 'K-I-S-S, keep it simple, stupid.' Great advice, hurts my feelings every time.
46. Nobody should have to go to work thinking, ‘Oh this is the place that I might die today.’ That’s what a hospital is for.
An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest. To the max.
To…an office is a place where dreams come true.
47. There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?
48. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.
49. Ultimatums are key.
Basically nobody does anything for me unless I threaten to kill myself.
50. I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?
51. I'm in love with Kelly Kapoor. And I don't know how I'm gonna feel tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, but I do know that right here, right now, all I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her.
Again, that could change.
52. Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn’t seem to realize that it wasn’t his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won’t notice?
53. In the Schrute family, the youngest child raises the others.
I’ve been raising children since I was a baby.
54. People should get what they deserve.
55. You guys I’m like really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, Kelly what’s the biggest company in the world?
And I’d be like, ‘blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact right answer.
56. Is any of it real?
A world built on fantasy. Synthetic emotions in the form of pills; psychological warfare in the form of advertising; mind-altering chemicals in the form of food; brainwashing seminars in the form of media; controlled isolated bubbles in the form of social networks. Real? You wanna talk about reality?
We haven't lived in anything remotely close to it since the turn of the century. We turned it off, took out the batteries, snacked on a bag of GMOs while we tossed the remnants in the ever expanding dumpster of the human condition. We live in branded houses trademarked by corporations built on bipolar numbers, jumping up and down on digital displays, hypnotising us into the biggest slumber mankind has ever seen. We live in a kingdom of bullshit; a kingdom you've lived in for far too long. So don't tell me about not being real. I'm no less real than the f***ing beef patty in your Big Mac.
57. As it turns out, you can’t just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily.
They have to hit rock bottom.
So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom.
Um. I think I can do it.
58. If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.
59. I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They’re always complaining.
I have varicose veins, too.
I have swollen ankles.
I’m constantly hungry.
Do you think my nipples don’t get sore too?
Do you think I don’t need to know the fastest way to the hospital?