1. Shame and blame should have no place in our body, mind, or spirit.
2. Blame and shame are simply mind games.
3. Narrated Asma' bint Abu Bakr:
When Az-Zubair married me, he had no real property or any slave or anything else except a camel which drew water from the well, and his horse. I used to feed his horse with fodder and drew water and sew the bucket for drawing it, and prepare the dough, but I did not know how to bake bread. So our Ansari neighbors used to bake bread for me, and they were honorable ladies. I used to carry the date stones on my head from Zubair's land given to him by Allah's Messenger (pbuh) and this land was two third Farsakh (about two miles) from my house. One day, while I was coming with the date stones on my head, I met Allah's Messenger (pbuh) along with some Ansari people. He called me and then, (directing his camel to kneel down) said, "Ikh! Ikh!" so as to make me ride behind him (on his camel). I felt shy to travel with the men and remembered Az-Zubair and his sense of Ghira, as he was one of those people who had the greatest sense of Ghira. Allah's Messenger (pbuh) noticed that I felt shy, so he proceeded. I came to Az-Zubair and said, "I met Allah's Messenger (pbuh) while I was carrying a load of date stones on my head, and he had some companions with him. He made his camel kneel down so that I might ride, but I felt shy in his presence and remembered your sense of Ghira. On that Az-Zubair said, "By Allah, your carrying the date stones (and you being seen by the Prophet (pbuh) in such a state) is more shameful to me than your riding with him." (I continued serving in this way) till Abu Bakr sent me a servant to look after the horse, whereupon I felt as if he had set me free.
[Sahih al-Bukhari 5224]
4. You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
5. Relief from self-harming is only temporary, and is followed by feelings of guilt & shame. It also takes you away from getting to know the actual ways that will make you feel better.
6. Do not feel ashamed if you have intentionally harmed yourself. Hiding it is a heavy burden.
7. Feelings that make one cut or hurt themselves:
8. People who self-harm don't do it because they need attention. They do it in secret. They are not trying to manipulate or seek attention. In fact, shame and guilt can make it difficult to tell someone that they have harmed themselves.
9. People who self-harm don't want to die. They are not trying to kill themselves, in fact they are trying to live with the pain. People who self-harm have a very high risk of suicide so they need to seek immediate attention and help.
10. Verbal bullying: Threats; shaming; hostile teasing; insults; constant negative judgment and criticism; or racist, sexist, or homophobic language.
11. Passive-aggressive or covert bullying: Difficult to notice. A passive-aggressive or covert bully, however, behaves appropriately on the surface, but takes you down with subtlety.
Examples of passive-aggressive and covert bullying include negative gossip, negative joking at someone’s expense, sarcasm, condescending eye contact, facial expression or gestures, mimicking to ridicule, deliberately causing embarrassment and insecurity, the invisible treatment, social exclusion, professional isolation, and deliberately sabotaging someone’s well-being, happiness, and success.
Tags: Passive Aggressive | Bully | Adult Bully | Social Behavior | Subtle | Gossip | Poor Joke | When Someone Puts You Down | Looking Down | Shame | Embarassment | Insecurities | Treating Badly | Mental Wellness | Happiness | Success |
12. You're damned if you're too thin and you're damned if you're too heavy. According to the press I've been both. It's impossible to satisfy everyone and I suggest we stop trying.
Tags: Thinspo | Tiny | Overweight | Body | BBW | Satisfaction | Validation | Gossip | Treating Badly | Rude | Shame | Guilt | Stop | Trying | Hard To Impress | Standards | Girl Power | Self Esteem | Society |
13. Gasping between breaths, alone and scared.
My freedom awaits me, I’m already prepared.
Anxiety peaks, madness ensues,
Shame takes over, insanity looms.
14. Taking Advantage Tactic #7
Shaming. Putting you down and using sarcasm and critical comments to make you feel so inadequate that you give in to them.
15. Listen to the child—find out why he/she did or did not do something.
Explain your reasons; this will enhance the child's decision-making capacities.
The nine inborn feelings (interest, enjoyment, surprise, distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust, and dismal) should be labeled with words. This will facilitate tension regulation and aid the transition to more mature ways of handling emotion.
Positive reinforcement—rewards and praise—will enhance the child's self-esteem when appropriate standards are met. Positive reinforcement is more effective in obtaining long-term behavioral compliance than frightening and shaming punishments.
Set a good example for the child. The child wants to be like the parents. Children identify with their parents, and they will put feelings and actions into words when they see their parents doing this. Who the parents are, and how they behave, will have a profound impact on the development of their children. Your child will follow your lead.