Quotes that will make you Cry 😭

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You have been tricked! These Quotes will make you laugh because there is no reason in the world where you have to force yourself to Cry. Stop looking for reasons to Cry and enjoy these fun Quotes that will make you laugh/smile.

Quotes That Will Make You Cry Quotes

1. This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.

- George V. Higgins


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2. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

- Albert Einstein


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3. I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

- Douglas Adams


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4. Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

- Garrison Keillor


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5. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

- Robert A. Heinlein


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6. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

- W.C. Fields


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7. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer

- Douglas Adams


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8. When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.

- Stephen King


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9. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

- Mark Twain


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10. It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!

- Friedrich Nietzsche


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11. “Mom says it's because she has PMS. Do you even know what that means? "I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome”

- Nicholas Sparks


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12. If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

- Terry Pratchett


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13. Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

- Steven Wright


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14. Few People are alive just because killing is illegal.


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15. I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.


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16. There are only two things in life that come without effort - failure and dandruff.


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17. Just fight all your natural instincts and you will be great.

- Friends TV Show


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18. Falling in love is a secret ambition, finding true love is the greatest tension, So follow the oldest tradition, And marry your parent's decision.


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19. Food is the only beautiful thing that nourishes.


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20. Birthdays are a scam. They were invented by Hallmarks to sell cards.

- Ron Swanson


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21. I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

- Scott Adams


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22. Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.

- Tamora Pierce


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23. There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

- Oscar Wilde


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24. I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

- Oscar Wilde


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25. Black holes are where God divided by zero.

- Albert Einstein


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26. Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.

- Sheng Wang


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27. I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

- Bill Watterson


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28. Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.

- Zig Ziglar


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29. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

- Ellen DeGeneres


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30. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

- Groucho Marx


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31. Humor is reason gone mad.

- Groucho Marx


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32. People, generally, suck.

- Christopher Moore


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33. I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

- Matt Groening


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34. People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't.

- Christopher Paolini


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35. What religion I follow? It is called none-of-your-business.

- Ron Swanson


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36. I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats.

- Eckhart Tolle


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37. There is no sadness that cannot be cured by breakfast food.

- Ron Swanson


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38. Dear Frozen Yoghurt,

You are the celery of desserts.

Be Ice Cream, or be nothing.

- Ron Swanson


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39. Veganism is a sad result of a morally corrupt mind.

Reconsider your life.

- Ron Swanson


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40. Love is blind, it is the marriage that's the eye-opener.


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41. Love is like peeing your pants everyone can see it but only you can feel it.

Thanks for being the pee in my pants.


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42. I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.


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43. Don’t be ashamed of who you are.

That’s your parent’s job.


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44. I can only please one person a day.

Today isn’t your day.

Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.


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45. Confidence level: selfie with no filter.


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46. I’m on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.


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47. “AF” is my favorite unit of measurement.


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48. Your hair is 90% of your selfie.


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49. When I drink alcohol… Everyone says I’m alcoholic. But… When I drink Fanta… No one says I’m fantastic.


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50. My life feels like a test, for which I skipped studying.


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51. How I feel when there is no coffee?

Depresso.


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52. Be proud of your extra pounds.

Studies state that fat people are harder to kidnap


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53. I’m not mad you told all my friends I’m a psycho. They’re my friends, they already know.


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54. This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible.

This was terrible with raisins in it

- Dorothy Parker


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55. The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

- Dorothy Parker


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56. Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

- Dorothy Parker


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57. I'm trying to figure out if I love art enough to be poor.

- Marina Keegan


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58. If you're falling off a cliff, you may as well try to fly.

You've got nothing to lose.

- John Sheridan


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59. How can a living man be a person who has nothing to lose?

This is very absurd!

Even a dead man has something to lose: His coffin!

- Mehmet Murat Ildan


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60. I won't be impressed with technology until I can download Chocolate.


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61. With men and women, does you think that men should marry only one woman? Does you believe in mahogany?

- Ali G


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62. I don't know if you know this, but dolphins ain't fish. They is like us, they is mammaries.

- Ali G


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63. What is the different types of hasch out there? We all know that it's called the bionic, the bomb, the puff, the blow, the black, the herb, the sensie, the cronic, the sweet Mary Jane, the shit, Ganja, split, reefa, the bad, the buddha, the home grown, the ill, the maui-maui, the method, pot, lethal turbo, tie, shake, skunk, stress, whacky, weed, glaze, the boot, dimebag, Scooby Doo, bob, bogey, back yard boogie. But what is the other terms for it

- Ali G


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64. Democracy is very different in US and A from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot!

- Borat


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65. As Admiral General Aladeen: "I love American films, particularly fantasy films like Lord of the Rings and Schindler's List."

- Borat


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66. Oh, it is on, like a prawn who yawns at dawn.

- Andy Bernard


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67. Mini cupcakes?

As in the mini version of regular cupcakes?

Which is already a mini version of cake?

Honestly, where does it end with you people?????

- Kevin Malone


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68. I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat.

Which I realize is a lot to ask for. At a dinner party.

- Pam Beesly


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69. No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.

- Michael Scott


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70. If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.

- Stanley Hudson


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71. The people here are amazing debaters. I guess you can say they are master-baters.

- Kevin Malone


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72. Hijabi Problems:

When you yawn and your hijab pin pops open!


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73. When Zawjati says you can't have a second wife:

"Don't tempt me to make you shaheed tonight. I am 4 wives in one."


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74. #BarbieGirlMix #MuslimVersion

I'm a Hijabi girl, in the Western world
Life Islamic, it's fantastic!
You can't see my hair
Or touch me anywhere
Submission to Allah, not his creation
[Cmon hijabi lets go party]
No no no nooo
[Cmon hijabi lets go party]
NO Harami! You Harami!


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75. *Results Day*

Mum: What did you get?
Me: Quotes Quran, Al-hadid, 57:20
"And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion."


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76. #Islam101

Hey do you speak Islam?
Yeah I speak Islam. I'm from Muslimstan, and i follow the shawarma law.


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77. That Hijab bun...




is tooo damn high!


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78. Reading Aytal-kursi and blowing it on your exam paper before you begin cos you don't know what shaytanic questions you're about to see...


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79. Worst thing instagram did was romanticize salah -

"I want someone who will wake me up for Fajr".

How about you marry an alarm clock you lazy cow


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80. Me: *buys black scarf*
Family: "You already have a hundred other black scarfs"
Me: "but feel the material on this one, the texture is different"


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81. #HijabiProblems

Going in your backyard/frontyard with a blanket on your head since you're too lazy to put your hijab on


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82. I don't always wear a Hijab

But when I do, it is with a Tight top and skinny jeans.


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83. InshaAllah (noun):


A Magical land where 99% of all promises, presence and punctuality is stored.


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84. Post-Iftar Pregnancy


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85. My mosque posted a sign after Jummah Prayer, "To the brother who stole our AC, you can keep it. It's hot where you are going."


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86. *Muslim Parties*

Yo let's tell jinn stories.


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87. We're allowed to marry 4,
But I don't think that's necessary because you are a 10.


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88. When your non-muslim friends think your prayer mat is the magic carpet Alladin used to show Jasmine the world.


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89. People: You are allowed to drive?

Me: No, I took a magic carpet ride here.


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90. People: Hijabi's are so lucky they don't have to wash their hair.

Me: Sis, we're Muslim, not cave women.


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91. Halal....

Is it Meat you are looking for?


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92. Funny how people mock the Islamic dress codes, yet on graduation day they all wear clothes similar to jubbah to look modest and successful.


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93. People: What's under your niqab?
Me: My face. What's under your makeup?


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94. I'm sarcastic because punching people is so Haraam.


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95. Peppa Pig:
Muslims are my favorite people, rest of ya'll juz eating my family.


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96. I hold my wife's hand when we go out. She thinks I'm being romantic. But really it's to stop her running off to do shopping.


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97. *When you have to swerve a marriage proposal*

"Istikhara says No"


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98. About 1 billion animals killed each day by KFC, McDonalds, Burger King etc. and no one bats an eye.

During Eid Al Adha, Muslims sacrifice them to feed poor people and everyone loses their mind.


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99. If you can handle my face at Fajr, I know it's true love.


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100. I'll not eat fried things this Ramadan

Family: HAHAHAHAHA
Friends: HAHAHAHAHA
Whole Muslim Ummah: HAHAHAHAHA
Even fried things: HAHAHAHAHA


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101. She: How was my cooking?
Me: Mashallah your cooking is so bad even shaytan will remind me to say Bismillah so he doesn't have to eat it with me.


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102. Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.


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103. Wo Tumhen DP Dikhaakar Gumraah Karegi

Magar Tum Aadhaar Card Par Ade Rahana


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104. Kis Kis Ka Naam Lein Apni Barbadi Mein

Bahut Log Aaye The Duayein Dene Shaadi Mein

किस किस का नाम लें अपनी बरबादी में,
बहुत लोग आये थे दुआएं देने शादी में।


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105. Aye Gulaab Apni Khushbu Ko
Mere Doston Par Nichaawar Kar De
Yeh Sardi Ke Mausam Mein
Aksar Nahaya Nahi Karte

ए गुलाब अपनी खुशबू को
मेरे दोस्तों पर न्योछावर कर दे,
यह सर्दी के मौसम में
अक्सर नहाया नहीं करते।


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106. phool lekar phool aaye phool kar maine kaha

phool kyun laaye ho saahab tum to khud hi phool ho


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107. Dekha Hai Tumhare Aage
Sharma Ke Phoolon Ko Murjhaate
Aye Jahan Ko Ghayal Karne Waale
Tum Deodorant Kyun Nahi Lagaate

देखा है तुम्हारे आगे,
शर्मा के फूलों को मुरझाते,
ए जहाँ को घायल करने वाले
तुम डिओडोरेंट क्यों नहीं लगाते।


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108. Jab Koyi Zindagi Mein Bahut Khaas Ban Jaye
Uske Baare Mein Sochna Hi Uska Ehsaas Ban Jaye
To Maang Lena Khuda Se Usey Zindagi Bhar Ke Liye
Issey Pehle Ke Uski Maa Kisi Aur Ki Saas Ban Jaye

जब कोई ज़िन्दगी में बहुत ख़ास बन जाए,
उसके बारे में सोचना ही उसका एहसास बन जाए,
तो मांग लेना खुदा से उसे जिंदगी भर के लिए,
इस से पहले की उसकी माँ किसी और की सास बन जाए।


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109. Meethi Meethi Yaadon Ko Palkon Pe Saja Lena
Saath Guzre Lamhon Ko Dil Mein Basa Lena
Main To Barason Ka Pyasa Hoon Faraaz
Bijli Aa Jaaye To Yaad Se Motar Chala Dena

मीठी मीठी यादों को पलकों पे सजा लेना,
साथ गुज़रे लम्हों को दिल में बसा लेना,
मैं तो बरसों का प्यासा हूँ, 'फराज़',
बिजली आ जाये तो याद से मोटर चला देना।


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110. jinko hum chuntey hain wahi humko dhunntey hain

biwi ho ya neta donon kahan sunte hain

जिनको हम चुनते हैं, वो ही हमें धुनते हैं,
चाहे बीवी हो या नेता, दोनों कहाँ सुनते हैं!!


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111. jinke ghar sheeshey ke hote hain

wo kahin bhi baith kar daadi bana leta hai


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112. ab ke phir eid card mein usne

lafz ik be-dhyaan likha hai

phir meri Eid kirkiri kar di

phir mujhe bhai jaan likha hai


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113. Hiccup: I can't believe we are stuck in this room together.
Dagur, swallowing the key: truly unfortunate.


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114. Allison: why would you give a knife to a child?
Diego: Claire felt unsafe
Allison: now i feel unsafe
Diego: I'm sorry
Diego: ... would you like a knife


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115. Hoseok: why do you watch so much murder stuff?
Yoongi: just in case you slip up.


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116. taehung: i'm so useless
yoongi: no you're not
yoongi: you can be used as a bad example


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117. Light: i have feelings for you
Misa: you do?
Light: yes. i feel you're a little bit annoying


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118. Gyro: alright so you and I are married
Johnny: we are not married
Gyro: it's a pretend.
Johnny: I don't wanna pretend
Gyro: scared you'll like it?
Johnny: okay if we're married, I want a divorce.
Diego: Are you two like this all the time?
Hot Pants: yes, they are.


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119. the quickest way to a man's heart is through 4th and 5th ribs


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120. Hephaestus: Sorry mom, called you by accident

Hera: No worries. Had you on accident


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121. A: [B], we tried things your way.
B: No, we didn't.
A: I did it in my head and it didn't work.


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122. A: Which movie are you and [C] going to see tonight?
B: Oh, I always go to whichever movie [C] wants.
A: Which one do they want to see?
B: I haven't decided yet.


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123. A: You think you're smarter than everyone else.
B: I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. I know I am.


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124. A: That sounds like a terrible plan.
B: Oh, we've had worse.


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125. A: *Answers phone.* Hello?
B: It's [B].
A: What did s/he do this time?
B: No, it's me, [B]. It's actually me.
A: What did you do this time?


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126. A: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.
B: And you came to me?


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127. A: Between C, D, E, and F -- if you had to -- who would you punch?
B: No one! They are my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.
A: E?
B: Yeah, but I don't know why.


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128. A: So what do you have planned for the future?
B: Lunch.
A: No, like long term.
B: Oh...um, dinner?


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129. A: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.
B: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.


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130. A: I trusted you!
B: Why?


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131. A, texting B: A theif.
B: Thief?
A: Theif.
B: I before E except after C.
A: Thceif.
B: No.


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132. Why did you choose to live with your dad, my son? Don't you love me?

Son: I love you Mom. But I know that he will need me more.


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133. Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.

But when you fart just one time...


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134. I Need To Go Take A Shower So I Can’t Tell If I’m Crying Or Not.


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