1. Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
2. Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup.
3. I accidentally squirted ketchup in my eye
I now have Heinzsight
4. I put Ketchup on my Ketchup.
5. I still eat a burger at a counter with ketchup dripping down my face.
6. Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup.
7. Surround yourself with people who are the ketchup to your french fries-they make you a better version of yourself. Yes french fries are amazing on their own, but combined with ketchup they are a force. Spend time with people who bring out your true flavors, but don't overpower you.
8. You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
9. There's always anxiety when you start a new job, you're the one guy who doesn't know where the ketchup is.
10. I love macaroni and cheese. I could eat it every meal of the day. It used to be sushi, but these days I cannot stop eating mac and cheese. I haven't had it from a box in a long time, but I'll make it homemade style with four types of cheeses, lots of milk, maybe a little ketchup. I don't know, I'm crazy like that.