Funny Wife Quotes
1. My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.
2. Me and my wife lives happily for 20 years. Then we met.
3. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
4. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
5. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
6. Don't try to understand women.
Women understand women, that is why they hate each other.
7. My wife says she's leaving me because of my addiction to antidepressants. So I thought about it and realized; that’s great, then I won’t need them anymore.
8. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
9. Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
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10. Never laugh at your wife's choices. You are one of them.
11. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She hugged me.
12. Wife: I have changed my mind.
Husband: Does the new one work?
13. Astrologer: Do you want to know your husband's future?
Wife: Rubbish. I will decide his future. You tell me his past.
14. Tell her she is beautiful, not HOT. She is your wife, not temperature.
15. When your wife says "GO AHEAD" it is a dare, not a permission. Don't do it!
16. If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.
17. My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen and something else...
18. A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of.