1. Your favorite color must be black?
Mine’s yellow. That’s why I love your teeth.
2. Top five things to avoid in life:
Your taste in music
Choking on horse pee
Drowning in a shallow pool of vomit
3. If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
4. Why are you the way that you are?
5. You can make or burn bread with fire.
6. What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
7. Wife: I have changed my mind.
Husband: Does the new one work?
8. What’s the difference between BMWs and Porcupines?
Porcupines carry their pricks on the outside.
9. Salami get this straight