The biggest collection of the best and the most witty, smart, epic, savage and funny comebacks ever for insults and trolls.
1. My IQ is greater than your weight.
2. Well you are worse than I thought.
3. Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth
4. Did you hear that? It’s the sound of no one caring…
5. Woman: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee."
Man: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
6. You have a face not even a mother could love.
7. If i am ever drunk, you will be damn good looking.
8. I can get a plastic surgery to fix my ugliness, you on the other hand will be stupid for eternity.
9. I am not being rude. You are just insignificant.
10. You’re gay.
You wish i was.
11. I am happier than you are.
12. At least I smell good.
13. Yeah, that's no problem, you're not my type anyway.
14. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
15. Stupidity isn't a crime, so you’re free to go.
16. If I had a face like yours I’d sue my parents.
17. You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
18. I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
19. You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
20. I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you!
21. I don’t exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.
22. Shock me, say something intelligent.
23. You have the perfect face for radio.
24. Damn not you again.
25. I fart to make you smell better.
26. Yeah you’re pretty, pretty stupid.
27. 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
28. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
29. If I am ugly then you must be hideous
30. Guys like you are why girls turn into lesbians.
31. Your only purpose in life is as an organ donor.
32. Have a nice day, somewhere else.
33. You deserve better and so do I.
Tags: Deserve |
34. "Wanna hear a joke?"
"No, thanks I am already looking at one!"
35. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
36. Remember that time i asked you for your opinion?
37. If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
38. Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
39. Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
40. You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
41. I had a nightmare. I dreamed I was you.
42. Nice shirt, what brand is it? Clearance?
43. You have enough fat to make another human.
44. I am not anti-social. I just don’t like you.
45. You shouldn't talk about your mom like that.
46. The 80s called. They want their haircut back.
The 1880s called, too. They want their joke back.
47. Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?
Couldn’t help it. One look at you and I started to vomit.
48. Your favorite color must be black?
Mine’s yellow. That’s why I love your teeth.
49. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better argument than yours.
Well it would be a nice change from all the crap that’s been coming out of your mouth!
50. Is that perfume or marinade?
Actually, it’s jerk repellent, but it doesn’t seem to be working.
51. Do they make those pants in men’s sizes?
Why, are you looking for something to get your wife?
52. How’s the wife and my kids?
Your kids? That explains why they’re so ugly.
53. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?
54. Some day you’ll go far — and I really hope you stay there.
55. Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
56. I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.
57. Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in awhile, but you really abuse the privilege.
58. Good story, but in what chapter do you shut the fuck up?
59. Don’t hate me because I’m smart. Hate me because your girlfriend thinks so.
60. Are you always such an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?
61. You have a right to your opinion and I have a right to ignore it.
62. Your inappropriateness knows no boundaries.
63. I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize that it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullshit.
64. It's scary to think that people like you are graduating from college.
65. That's why you shouldn't speak until you're spoken to.
66. You better hope you marry rich.
67. Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.
68. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
Tags: Tolerance |
69. If everywhere you go there’s a problem.. Guess what?
70. No really, it’s adorable when you blame everyone but yourself.
71. Some people create their own storms and then get upset when it rains.
72. Before you judge me, make sure you’re perfect.
Tags: Judgemental |
73. I think some people enjoy complaining almost as much as they enjoy doing nothing about it.
74. You. Cut out that egocentric control bullshit now.
75. I’m sorry that the control freak in you activates the psycho bitch in me.
76. Oh yes, let’s ignore everything I just said and talk some more about you.
77. I don’t know why you think you have a psychic ability to read me!
78. It’s called originality, you should try it sometime.
79. Thanks for trying so hard to be just like me. I wouldn’t want to be you, either.
80. You were born an original don’t die a copy.
81. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
82. You would argue with a fence post.
83. Being right isn’t nearly as important as knowing when to shut up.
84. Open your mind not your mouth.
85. Since you know everything, then you know you’re an asshole.
86. I didn’t realize you were an expert on my life and how I should live it!
Continue while I take notes.
87. Get used to disappointment.
88. That’s the most pretentious thing I’ve ever heard.
89. Where’s your off button?
90. Are you collecting chins?
Where is your neck?
91. I thought you were attractive, but then you opened your mouth.
92. You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your personality, right?
Tags: Personality |
93. Your taste in music is comparable to a blind man's taste in fashion.
94. Top five things to avoid in life:
Your taste in music
Choking on horse pee
Drowning in a shallow pool of vomit
95. I have been a witness to your journey from immaturity to maturity.
96. Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
Tags: Psychology |
97. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
98. I like winning; I hope you do too!
Tags: Success |
99. People should get what they deserve.
100. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
101. I hope Karma slaps you in the face before I do.
102. If you listen to me closely, you can hear me not caring.
Tags: I Dont Care |
103. I always laugh when people try to hurt my feelings.
As if I have any.
104. I´m not mean, I´m just brutally honest.
It´s not my fault that truth hurts.
Here’s a band-aid.
105. The difference between a pizza and your opinion is that I only asked for the pizza.
106. If karma doesn’t give you what you deserve, I certainly will.
107. Revenge? Nah, I’m too lazy for that shit.
I’m gonna just sit here and watch from the front seat when karma hits you.
108. Don’t get bitter, get better.
Tags: Sassy |
109. I am not picky, I just know what I want.
110. Be proud of your extra pounds.
Studies state that fat people are harder to kidnap
111. Look – I’m only responsible for the words that come out of my mouth.
I’m not responsible for you not understanding them.
112. Silence is the best response when you’re dealing with an idiot.
113. I’m not mad you told all my friends I’m a psycho. They’re my friends, they already know.
114. Putting people down does not make you a powerful and a strong person.
It makes you a bully, a coward and eventually alone in life.
115. You never look good trying to make someone else look bad.
116. These are your good days.
The worst are yet to come.
117. There’s something i always wanted to say to you.
I don’t really understand your jokes.
I mean, they don’t make me laugh, but you always laugh at them.
118. David Carlton : [to Ali] Have you ever considered becoming a member of parliament?
Ali G : What me wanna do that for? It's full of pricks.
David Carlton : That's a little harsh. I'm an MP, am I a prick?
Ali G : Yes.
- Ali G
119. Whenever I'm about to do something, I think,
'Would an idiot do that?' and if they would,
I do not do that thing.