137 Funny Quotes with Images 📸🖼️

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Funny Quotes

Funny quotes that are actually funny. This is not a list of some junk funny quotes but they have been stress tested against the most grumpy of us and proved to make them laugh. So here it is - our list of the most hilarious funny one liners, sarcastically funny quotes and dark humor sayings we have.

Funny Quotes - “Mom says it's because she has PMS. Do you even know what that means? "I'm not a little kid anymore. It mean

1. “Mom says it's because she has PMS. Do you even know what that means? "I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome”

- Nicholas Sparks


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Funny Quotes - I won't be impressed with technology until I can download Chocolate.

2. I won't be impressed with technology until I can download Chocolate.


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Funny Quotes - phool lekar phool aaye phool kar maine kaha phool kyun laaye ho saahab tum to khud hi phool ho

3. phool lekar phool aaye phool kar maine kaha

phool kyun laaye ho saahab tum to khud hi phool ho


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Funny Quotes - Dear Frozen Yoghurt, You are the celery of desserts. Be Ice Cream, or be nothing.

4. Dear Frozen Yoghurt,

You are the celery of desserts.

Be Ice Cream, or be nothing.

- Ron Swanson


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Funny Quotes - I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

5. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

- Groucho Marx


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Funny Quotes - *Results Day* Mum: What did you get? Me: Quotes Quran, Al-hadid, 57:20 "And what is the worldly life exce

6. *Results Day*

Mum: What did you get?
Me: Quotes Quran, Al-hadid, 57:20
"And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion."


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Funny Quotes - Funny how people mock the Islamic dress codes, yet on graduation day they all wear clothes similar to jubbah t

7. Funny how people mock the Islamic dress codes, yet on graduation day they all wear clothes similar to jubbah to look modest and successful.


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Funny Quotes - Light: i have feelings for you Misa: you do? Light: yes. i feel you're a little bit annoying

8. Light: i have feelings for you
Misa: you do?
Light: yes. i feel you're a little bit annoying


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Funny Quotes - Meethi Meethi Yaadon Ko Palkon Pe Saja Lena Saath Guzre Lamhon Ko Dil Mein Basa Lena Main To Barason Ka Pyas

9. Meethi Meethi Yaadon Ko Palkon Pe Saja Lena
Saath Guzre Lamhon Ko Dil Mein Basa Lena
Main To Barason Ka Pyasa Hoon Faraaz
Bijli Aa Jaaye To Yaad Se Motar Chala Dena

मीठी मीठी यादों को पलकों पे सजा लेना,
साथ गुज़रे लम्हों को दिल में बसा लेना,
मैं तो बरसों का प्यासा हूँ, 'फराज़',
बिजली आ जाये तो याद से मोटर चला देना।


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Funny Quotes - I don't know if you know this, but dolphins ain't fish. They is like us, they is mammaries.

10. I don't know if you know this, but dolphins ain't fish. They is like us, they is mammaries.

- Ali G


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Funny Quotes - Wo Tumhen DP Dikhaakar Gumraah Karegi Magar Tum Aadhaar Card Par Ade Rahana

11. Wo Tumhen DP Dikhaakar Gumraah Karegi

Magar Tum Aadhaar Card Par Ade Rahana


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Funny Quotes - I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

12. I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

- Oscar Wilde


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Funny Quotes - Gyro: alright so you and I are married Johnny: we are not married Gyro: it's a pretend. Johnny: I don't wan

13. Gyro: alright so you and I are married
Johnny: we are not married
Gyro: it's a pretend.
Johnny: I don't wanna pretend/
Gyro: scared you'll like it?
Johnny: okay if we're married, I want a divorce.
Diego: Are you two like this all the time?
Hot Pants: yes, they are.


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Funny Quotes - Jab Koyi Zindagi Mein Bahut Khaas Ban Jaye Uske Baare Mein Sochna Hi Uska Ehsaas Ban Jaye To Maang Lena Khud

14. Jab Koyi Zindagi Mein Bahut Khaas Ban Jaye
Uske Baare Mein Sochna Hi Uska Ehsaas Ban Jaye
To Maang Lena Khuda Se Usey Zindagi Bhar Ke Liye
Issey Pehle Ke Uski Maa Kisi Aur Ki Saas Ban Jaye

जब कोई ज़िन्दगी में बहुत ख़ास बन जाए,
उसके बारे में सोचना ही उसका एहसास बन जाए,
तो मांग लेना खुदा से उसे जिंदगी भर के लिए,
इस से पहले की उसकी माँ किसी और की सास बन जाए।


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Funny Quotes - I'm sarcastic because punching people is so Haraam.

15. I'm sarcastic because punching people is so Haraam.


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Funny Quotes - I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats.

16. I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats.

- Eckhart Tolle


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Funny Quotes - That Hijab bun... is tooo damn high!

17. That Hijab bun...




is tooo damn high!


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Funny Quotes - Allison: why would you give a knife to a child? Diego: Claire felt unsafe Allison: now i feel unsafe Diego:

18. Allison: why would you give a knife to a child?
Diego: Claire felt unsafe
Allison: now i feel unsafe
Diego: I'm sorry
Diego: ... would you like a knife


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Funny Quotes - When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to

19. When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.

- Stephen King


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Funny Quotes - I can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

20. I can only please one person a day.

Today isn’t your day.

Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.


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Funny Quotes - Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a re

21. Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.

- Zig Ziglar


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Funny Quotes - A: *Answers phone.* Hello? B: It's [B]. A: What did s/he do this time? B: No, it's me, [B]. It's actually m

22. A: *Answers phone.* Hello?
B: It's [B].
A: What did s/he do this time?
B: No, it's me, [B]. It's actually me.
A: What did you do this time?


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Funny Quotes - Humor is reason gone mad.

23. Humor is reason gone mad.

- Groucho Marx


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Funny Quotes - Post-Iftar Pregnancy

24. Post-Iftar Pregnancy


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Funny Quotes - Me: *buys black scarf* Family: "You already have a hundred other black scarfs" Me: "but feel the material on

25. Me: *buys black scarf*
Family: "You already have a hundred other black scarfs"
Me: "but feel the material on this one, the texture is different"


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Funny Quotes - Democracy is very different in US and A from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot!

26. Democracy is very different in US and A from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot!

- Borat


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Funny Quotes - I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

27. I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

- Matt Groening


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Funny Quotes - People: What's under your niqab? Me: My face. What's under your makeup?

28. People: What's under your niqab?
Me: My face. What's under your makeup?


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Funny Quotes - #BarbieGirlMix #MuslimVersion I'm a Hijabi girl, in the Western world Life Islamic, it's fantastic! You c

29. #BarbieGirlMix #MuslimVersion

I'm a Hijabi girl, in the Western world
Life Islamic, it's fantastic!
You can't see my hair
Or touch me anywhere
Submission to Allah, not his creation
[Cmon hijabi lets go party]
No no no nooo
[Cmon hijabi lets go party]
NO Harami! You Harami!


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Funny Quotes - “as fuck” is my favorite unit of measurement.

30. “as fuck” is my favorite unit of measurement.


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Funny Quotes - My mosque posted a sign after Jummah Prayer, "To the brother who stole our AC, you can keep it. It's hot where

31. My mosque posted a sign after Jummah Prayer, "To the brother who stole our AC, you can keep it. It's hot where you are going."


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Funny Quotes - Veganism is a sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

32. Veganism is a sad result of a morally corrupt mind.

Reconsider your life.

- Ron Swanson


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Funny Quotes - There is no sadness that cannot be cured by breakfast food.

33. There is no sadness that cannot be cured by breakfast food.

- Ron Swanson


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Funny Quotes - ab ke phir eid card mein usne lafz ik be-dhyaan likha hai phir meri Eid kirkiri kar di phir mujhe bha

34. ab ke phir eid card mein usne

lafz ik be-dhyaan likha hai

phir meri Eid kirkiri kar di

phir mujhe bhai jaan likha hai


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Funny Quotes - People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't.

35. People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't.

- Christopher Paolini


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Funny Quotes - I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

36. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

- W.C. Fields


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Funny Quotes - Love is blind, it is the marriage that's the eye-opener.

37. Love is blind, it is the marriage that's the eye-opener.


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Funny Quotes - *When you have to swerve a marriage proposal* "Istikhara says No"

38. *When you have to swerve a marriage proposal*

"Istikhara says No"


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Funny Quotes - Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

39. Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.


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Funny Quotes - My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know

40. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

- Ellen DeGeneres


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Funny Quotes - Food is the only beautiful thing that nourishes.

41. Food is the only beautiful thing that nourishes.


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Funny Quotes - About 1 billion animals killed each day by KFC, McDonalds, Burger King etc. and no one bats an eye. During

42. About 1 billion animals killed each day by KFC, McDonalds, Burger King etc. and no one bats an eye.

During Eid Al Adha, Muslims sacrifice them to feed poor people and everyone loses their mind.


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Funny Quotes - I'm trying to figure out if I love art enough to be poor.

43. I'm trying to figure out if I love art enough to be poor.

- Marina Keegan


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Funny Quotes - the quickest way to a man's heart is through 4th and 5th ribs

44. the quickest way to a man's heart is through 4th and 5th ribs


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Funny Quotes - A: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think. B: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.

45. A: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.
B: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.


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Funny Quotes - Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make

46. Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

- Garrison Keillor


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Funny Quotes - A: [B], we tried things your way. B: No, we didn't. A: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

47. A: [B], we tried things your way.
B: No, we didn't.
A: I did it in my head and it didn't work.


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Funny Quotes - my love for you is like diarrhea - i just can't hold it in

48. my love for you is like diarrhea - i just can't hold it in


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49. Kis Kis Ka Naam Lein Apni Barbadi Mein

Bahut Log Aaye The Duayein Dene Shaadi Mein

किस किस का नाम लें अपनी बरबादी में,
बहुत लोग आये थे दुआएं देने शादी में।


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Funny Quotes - Reading Aytal-kursi and blowing it on your exam paper before you begin cos you don't know what shaytanic quest

50. Reading Aytal-kursi and blowing it on your exam paper before you begin cos you don't know what shaytanic questions you're about to see...


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Funny Quotes - I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

51. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

- Mark Twain


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Funny Quotes - taehung: i'm so useless yoongi: no you're not yoongi: you can be used as a bad example

52. taehung: i'm so useless
yoongi: no you're not
yoongi: you can be used as a bad example


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Funny Quotes - A: That sounds like a terrible plan. B: Oh, we've had worse.

53. A: That sounds like a terrible plan.
B: Oh, we've had worse.


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Funny Quotes - People: You are allowed to drive? Me: No, I took a magic carpet ride here.

54. People: You are allowed to drive?

Me: No, I took a magic carpet ride here.


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Funny Quotes - A: Which movie are you and [C] going to see tonight? B: Oh, I always go to whichever movie [C] wants. A: Whi

55. A: Which movie are you and [C] going to see tonight?
B: Oh, I always go to whichever movie [C] wants.
A: Which one do they want to see?
B: I haven't decided yet.


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Funny Quotes - A: I trusted you! B: Why?

56. A: I trusted you!
B: Why?


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Funny Quotes - Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked

57. Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

- Dorothy Parker


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Funny Quotes - When Zawjati says you can't have a second wife: "Don't tempt me to make you shaheed tonight. I am 4 wives i

58. When Zawjati says you can't have a second wife:

"Don't tempt me to make you shaheed tonight. I am 4 wives in one."


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Funny Quotes - It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!

59. It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!

- Friedrich Nietzsche


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Funny Quotes - Aye Gulaab Apni Khushbu Ko Mere Doston Par Nichaawar Kar De Yeh Sardi Ke Mausam Mein Aksar Nahaya Nahi Kart

60. Aye Gulaab Apni Khushbu Ko
Mere Doston Par Nichaawar Kar De
Yeh Sardi Ke Mausam Mein
Aksar Nahaya Nahi Karte

ए गुलाब अपनी खुशबू को
मेरे दोस्तों पर न्योछावर कर दे,
यह सर्दी के मौसम में
अक्सर नहाया नहीं करते।


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Funny Quotes - mosque is the house of God not a place to drink go inside the heart of a disbeliever, there is no God there

61. mosque is the house of God not a place to drink
go inside the heart of a disbeliever, there is no God there

(Urdu)
masjid khuda ka ghar hai piine ki jagah nahin
kafir ke dil mein jaa, wahan par khuda nahin

(Hindi)
मस्जिद ख़ुदा का घर है, पीने की जगह नहीं ,
काफिर के दिल में जा वहाँ ख़ुदा नहीं .


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Funny Quotes - #Islam101 Hey do you speak Islam? Yeah I speak Islam. I'm from Muslimstan, and i follow the shawarma law.

62. #Islam101

Hey do you speak Islam?
Yeah I speak Islam. I'm from Muslimstan, and i follow the shawarma law.