125 Funny Quotes with Images 📸🖼️

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Funny quotes that are actually funny. This is not a list of some junk funny quotes but they have been stress tested against the most grumpy of us and proved to make them laugh. So here it is - our list of the most hilarious funny one liners, sarcastically funny quotes and dark humor sayings we have.

Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes - This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.

1. This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.

- George V. Higgins


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Funny Quotes - Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

2. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

- Albert Einstein


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Funny Quotes - I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

3. I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

- Douglas Adams


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Funny Quotes - Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make

4. Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

- Garrison Keillor


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Funny Quotes - Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

5. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

- Robert A. Heinlein


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Funny Quotes - The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

6. The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

- George Carlin


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Funny Quotes - I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

7. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

- W.C. Fields


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Funny Quotes - I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer

8. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer

- Douglas Adams


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Funny Quotes - When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to

9. When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.

- Stephen King


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Funny Quotes - I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

10. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

- Mark Twain


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Funny Quotes - It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!

11. It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!

- Friedrich Nietzsche


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Funny Quotes - “Mom says it's because she has PMS. Do you even know what that means? "I'm not a little kid anymore. It mean

12. “Mom says it's because she has PMS. Do you even know what that means? "I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome”

- Nicholas Sparks


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Funny Quotes - If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people r

13. If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

- Terry Pratchett


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Funny Quotes - Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

14. Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

- Steven Wright


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Funny Quotes - Few People are alive just because killing is illegal.

15. Few People are alive just because killing is illegal.


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Funny Quotes - I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you!

16. I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you!


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Funny Quotes - I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.

17. I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.


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Funny Quotes - There are only two things in life that come without effort - failure and dandruff.

18. There are only two things in life that come without effort - failure and dandruff.


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Funny Quotes - Just fight all your natural instincts and you will be great.

19. Just fight all your natural instincts and you will be great.

- Friends TV Show


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Funny Quotes - Falling in love is a secret ambition, finding true love is the greatest tension, So follow the oldest traditio

20. Falling in love is a secret ambition, finding true love is the greatest tension, So follow the oldest tradition, And marry your parent's decision.


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Funny Quotes - Food is the only beautiful thing that nourishes.

21. Food is the only beautiful thing that nourishes.


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Funny Quotes - Birthdays are a scam. They were invented by Hallmarks to sell cards.

22. Birthdays are a scam. They were invented by Hallmarks to sell cards.

- Ron Swanson


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Funny Quotes - I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

23. I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

- Scott Adams


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Funny Quotes - Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.

24. Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.

- Tamora Pierce


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Funny Quotes - There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

25. There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

- Oscar Wilde


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Funny Quotes - I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

26. I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

- Oscar Wilde


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Funny Quotes - Black holes are where God divided by zero.

27. Black holes are where God divided by zero.

- Albert Einstein


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Funny Quotes - Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those

28. Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.

- Sheng Wang


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Funny Quotes - I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

29. I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

- Bill Watterson


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Funny Quotes - Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a re

30. Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.

- Zig Ziglar


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Funny Quotes - My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know

31. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

- Ellen DeGeneres


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Funny Quotes - I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

32. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

- Groucho Marx


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Funny Quotes - Humor is reason gone mad.

33. Humor is reason gone mad.

- Groucho Marx


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Funny Quotes - People, generally, suck.

34. People, generally, suck.

- Christopher Moore


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Funny Quotes - I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

35. I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

- Matt Groening


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Funny Quotes - People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't.

36. People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't.

- Christopher Paolini


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Funny Quotes - What religion I follow? It is called none-of-your-business.

37. What religion I follow? It is called none-of-your-business.

- Ron Swanson


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Funny Quotes - I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats.

38. I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats.

- Eckhart Tolle


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Funny Quotes - There is no sadness that cannot be cured by breakfast food.

39. There is no sadness that cannot be cured by breakfast food.

- Ron Swanson


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Funny Quotes - Dear Frozen Yoghurt, You are the celery of desserts. Be Ice Cream, or be nothing.

40. Dear Frozen Yoghurt,

You are the celery of desserts.

Be Ice Cream, or be nothing.

- Ron Swanson


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Funny Quotes - Veganism is a sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

41. Veganism is a sad result of a morally corrupt mind.

Reconsider your life.

- Ron Swanson


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Funny Quotes - Love is blind, it is the marriage that's the eye-opener.

42. Love is blind, it is the marriage that's the eye-opener.


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Funny Quotes - Love is like peeing your pants everyone can see it but only you can feel it. Thanks for being the pee in my

43. Love is like peeing your pants everyone can see it but only you can feel it.

Thanks for being the pee in my pants.


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Funny Quotes - I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

44. I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.


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Funny Quotes - Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.

45. Don’t be ashamed of who you are.

That’s your parent’s job.


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Funny Quotes - I can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

46. I can only please one person a day.

Today isn’t your day.

Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.


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Funny Quotes - Confidence level: selfie with no filter.

47. Confidence level: selfie with no filter.


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Funny Quotes - I’m on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.

48. I’m on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.


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Funny Quotes - “as fuck” is my favorite unit of measurement.

49. “as fuck” is my favorite unit of measurement.


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Funny Quotes - Your hair is 90% of your selfie.

50. Your hair is 90% of your selfie.


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Funny Quotes - When I drink alcohol… Everyone says I’m alcoholic. But… When I drink Fanta… No one says I’m fantasti

51. When I drink alcohol… Everyone says I’m alcoholic. But… When I drink Fanta… No one says I’m fantastic.


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Funny Quotes - My life feels like a test, for which I skipped studying.

52. My life feels like a test, for which I skipped studying.


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Funny Quotes - How I feel when there is no coffee? Depresso.

53. How I feel when there is no coffee?

Depresso.


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Funny Quotes - Be proud of your extra pounds. Studies state that fat people are harder to kidnap

54. Be proud of your extra pounds.

Studies state that fat people are harder to kidnap


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Funny Quotes - I’m not mad you told all my friends I’m a psycho. They’re my friends, they already know.

55. I’m not mad you told all my friends I’m a psycho. They’re my friends, they already know.


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Funny Quotes - This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it

56. This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible.

This was terrible with raisins in it

- Dorothy Parker


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Funny Quotes - The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tire

57. The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

- Dorothy Parker


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Funny Quotes - Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked

58. Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

- Dorothy Parker


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Funny Quotes - I'm trying to figure out if I love art enough to be poor.

59. I'm trying to figure out if I love art enough to be poor.

- Marina Keegan


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Funny Quotes - If you're falling off a cliff, you may as well try to fly. You've got nothing to lose.

60. If you're falling off a cliff, you may as well try to fly.

You've got nothing to lose.

- John Sheridan


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Funny Quotes - How can a living man be a person who has nothing to lose? This is very absurd! Even a dead man has somet

61. How can a living man be a person who has nothing to lose?

This is very absurd!

Even a dead man has something to lose: His coffin!

- Mehmet Murat Ildan


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Funny Quotes - I won't be impressed with technology until I can download Chocolate.

62. I won't be impressed with technology until I can download Chocolate.


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Funny Quotes - Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

63. Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.


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Funny Quotes - Allison: why would you give a knife to a child? Diego: Claire felt unsafe Allison: now i feel unsafe Diego:

64. Allison: why would you give a knife to a child?
Diego: Claire felt unsafe
Allison: now i feel unsafe
Diego: I'm sorry
Diego: ... would you like a knife


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Funny Quotes - Hoseok: why do you watch so much murder stuff? Yoongi: just in case you slip up.

65. Hoseok: why do you watch so much murder stuff?
Yoongi: just in case you slip up.


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