1. Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.
2. Would I rather be feared or loved?
I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
3. I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
4. I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.
5. And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.
6. That's what she said.
7. It takes an advanced sense of humor.
I don't expect everybody to understand.
8. I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate…no.
But, I live by another rule:
Just do it…Nike.
9. I’m not a millionaire.
I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close.
Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was 30.
10. As it turns out, you can’t just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily.
They have to hit rock bottom.
So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom.
Um. I think I can do it.
11. Guess what, I have flaws. What are they?
Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower.
Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.
12. My, philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.
13. If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
14. Nobody should have to go to work thinking, ‘Oh this is the place that I might die today.’ That’s what a hospital is for.
An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest. To the max.
To…an office is a place where dreams come true.
15. Why are you the way that you are?
16. Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips out your heart for no good reason. And you are nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you, and that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then, suddenly, she’s not your ho no mo.
17. Oh my God it’s happening! Everybody stay calm. Stay f*cking calm!
18. I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.
19. Whether you’re scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don’t be.
It’s going to be OK.
20. No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.
21. I don’t hate it.
I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.
22. Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.
23. I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.
24. I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn.
I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers.
Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.
25. Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool.
Because they are un-understandable.
26. Let's have an auction
27. Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn't connect, I was miserable.
Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.
28. You cheated on me?
When I specifically asked you not to?
29. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn.
And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one.
I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn't even talk yet.
30. I had a great summer. I got west nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it...
31. Ok, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.
32. There is no such things as an appropriate joke.
That's why it is a Joke!
33. That's the problem with being a boss is that when you are tough, they resent you, and when you are cool, they walk all over you.
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