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1. What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.


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2. roses are dead, violets are dead, I am a bad gardener.


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3. A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

- Doug Larson


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4. Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor’s motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.

- Dave Barry


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5. A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of.

- T H Everette


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6. Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.

- Dave Barry


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7. When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.


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8. What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.


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9. What does the letter “A” have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them.


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10. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.


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11. Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny.


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12. What do you get if you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.


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13. What do you call it when worms take over the world?
Global Worming


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14. What kind of tree has hands?
A palm tree.


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15. What happened to the plant in math class?
It grew square roots.


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16. Gardening is cheaper than therapy. And you get Tomatoes.


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17. A person of words and not deeds, is like a garden full of weeds.


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18. Thyme is of the essence.


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19. Always try to grow in your garden some plant or plants out of the ordinary, something your neighbors never attempted. For you can receive no greater flattery than to have a gardener of equal intelligence stand before your plant and ask, 'What is that?'

- Richardson Wright


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20. Don't wear perfume in the garden - unless you want to be pollinated by bees.

- Anne Raver


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21. Compost Happens.


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22. Plantus unknownus


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23. I don’t remember planting this...


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24. My garden was at its best yesterday, sorry you missed it.


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25. I asked the staff at my local garden centre what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.


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