What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
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Puns Quotes
1. What do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller.
Tags: Puns | Overweight |
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2. I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones Argon.
Tags: Chemistry Puns | Chemical | Puns |
3. RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
Tags: Water Puns | Puns |
4. I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
Tags: Fire Puns | Puns | Wild |
5. I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.
Tags: Puns | Breakfast Puns |
6. Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Tags: Animal Puns | Banana Puns | Puns | Poor Joke | Time Puns |
7. My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…
8. I have a fear of speed bumps
But i am slowly getting over it
Tags: Driving Puns | Puns | Slow |
9. My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”
Tags: Water Puns | Puns | Poor Joke | Card Puns |
10. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Tags: Puns |
11. What do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller.
Tags: Puns | Overweight |
12. What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Tags: Puns |
13. I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.
Tags: Puns | Loneliness |
14. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
– Because they lactose.
Tags: Cow Puns | Puns | Lame Questions Answers |
15. What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
Tags: Sister Puns | Puns |
16. Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.
Tags: Sun Puns | Puns | Annoyingly Funny | Poor Joke |
17. I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
Tags: Airplane Puns | Puns |
18. If trees could kill you, they wood.
19. So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
20. I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
Tags: Brain Puns | Puns |
21. If I’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?
Tags: Puns | Lame Questions Answers |
22. Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
Tags: Soda Puns | Puns | Beach Puns | Swimming |
23. I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
24. What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.
Tags: Funny Gardening | Tree Puns | Puns | Garden Puns |
25. Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny.
Tags: Funny Gardening | Garden Puns | Puns |
26. What do you call it when worms take over the world?
Global Worming
Tags: Funny Gardening | Global Warming | Puns | Garden Puns |
27. What kind of tree has hands?
A palm tree.
Tags: Funny Gardening | Brain Teaser Riddles | Brain Puns | Tree Puns | Puns | Garden Puns |
28. What happened to the plant in math class?
It grew square roots.
Tags: Funny Gardening | Tree Puns | Puns | Garden Puns |
29. Thyme is of the essence.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Funny Gardening |
30. Frog parking. All others will be toad.
Tags: Animal Puns | Puns | Frog Puns |
31. Why do cats always get their way
They are very purr-suasive!
32. Why did the cat wear a fancy dress?
She was feline fine!
33. What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple!
34. What did the cat say when it was confused? “I’m purr-plexed!”
35. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?
Chocolate mouse!
36. What do cats love to do in the morning?
Read the mewspaper!
37. Why can’t cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs!
38. Why are cats great singers?
Because they’re very mewsical!
39. What should you say to your cat when you leave the house?
“Have a mice day!”
40. What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain!
41. What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school?
Hisss-tory!
42. What types of cats purr the best?
Purrr-sians!
43. Wanna hear a bad cat joke?
Just kitten!
44. How do you make a fashionable cat happy?
Give her a new purr coat and she’ll be feline good.
45. What do you call a cat that likes to read?
Litter-ate.
46. What kind of sports car does a cat drive?
A Fur-rari.
47. What do you call a cat that gets caught by law enforcement?
The purrpatrator.
48. What word do millennial cats overuse?
Litter-ally
49.
Funny Cat Puns For Your Pet
What was the cat’s favorite class in college?
Mew-sic
50. What do you call it when a cat wins first place at a dog show?
A cat-has-trophy
51. What is a cats favorite vegetable?
As-purr-agus.
52. What did the cat say before he went skydiving?
It’s meow or never
53. What do cats wear to sleep?
Paw-jamas
54. What’s a humans most important trait?
Their Purr-sonality
55. What was that cat’s favorite book?
The Great Catsby
56. Who delivers presents to cats?
Santa-Claws
57. What did the cat say when the mouse got away?
“You’ve got to be kitten me!”
58.
Cat Pun Names
Catman (Batman)
Colin Fur-real (Colin Farrell)
Jean-Clawed Van Damme (Jean-Claude Van Damme)
William Scratchner (William Shatner)
Meowley Cyrus (Miley Cyrus)
William Shakespurr (William Shakespeare)
59.
Cat Puns Word Play
Paw-sitive = Positive
Paws = Pause
Paw-lease = Please
Cat-titude = Attitude
Pro-cat-stination = Procrastination
Cat-astrophe = Catastrophe
Cathletic = Athletic
Caturday = Saturday
Mewment = Moment
Claw-some = Awesome
Feline = Feeling
Hiss-terical = Hysterical
Whispurr = Whisper
Purr-haps = Perhaps
Purr-ty = Pretty
60. The way this kitty snuggles is giving me a loving feline!
61. The litter box smelled claw-ful after not changing it for two weeks
62. Did your cat just eat my tuna sandwich?
Purr-haps. It’s a paw-sibility.
63. The hiss-tory of Ancient Egypt is littered with instances of cats being held in the highest esteem
64. Paw-don me, were you trying sweep the floor? Let me just scratch the broom to death instead, sir.
65. As our relationship grows, my cat has become fur-miliar with the fact that if he rubs up against my leg, he’s getting a treat.
66. The idea that men should have paw-er over cats is preposterous. Come feed me, human.
67. I petted my cat too aggressively back in 2004, now he doesn’t like to be touched. He will never fur-get.
68. The single female cat howling in the alleyway was like mew-sic to the ears of all the single male cats in the area.
69. Those slobbery, drooling dogs are so much more in-fur-ior to our supreme cat bloodline.
Tags: Cat Puns | Puns | Inferiority |
70. As the cat purr-ceived, the tuna sandwich was now in fact his.
71. Who’s a furry good kitty? Is it you? Yeah, I think it’s you!
72. How are we doing with these cat puns?
So fur so good!
73. My cat was found in pawsession of catnip.
74. Stay Pawsitive!
75. She’s got a bad Cattitude.
76. Happy Purr–thday!
77. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?
Mice cream.
78. What is the difference between a comma and a cat?
One is a pause at the end of a clause, and the other has claws at the end of its paws.
Tags: Cat Puns | Puns | Brain Teaser Riddles |
79. Turnip down for what?
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
80. Lettuce be thankful
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
81. I don’t carrot at all!!!
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Carrot |
82. Just dill with it
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
83. Time to celery-brate
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Time Puns |
84. I hope thistle cheer you up!
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
85. Don’t kale my vibe
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
86. I love you from my head tomatoes
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns | Cute Puns |
87. Good chives only
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
88. I’m rooting for you!
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
89. Wood you be mine?
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
90. My heart beets for you
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
91. I yam what I yam
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
92. Absolutely Radishing.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
93. You had me at aloe.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
94.
Garden Love Puns
Aloe You Vera Much
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
95. Be nice or leaf.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
96. Wish I could turn back thyme...
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
97. Make thyme for loved ones...
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
98. It’s Party thyme!
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
99. Find Inner Peas.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
100. Good Thymes!
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
101. Oh Kale Yeah!
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
102. LETTUCE ROMAINE Friends.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
103. No FIG Deal!
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
104. Don't let things BUG you.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Bug Puns |
105. Look forward to the FUCHSIA
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
106. I Love You BERRY Much.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns | Cute Puns |
107. Orange you so sweet?
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
108. Collateral Cabbage.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
109. THYME to TURNIP the BEET.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
110. BEES PLEASE!
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
111. I Wet my Plants.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
112. That’s a bit mulch!
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
113. Just one of ROSE things...
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
114. I beg your garden?
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
115. I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
116. I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
117. I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
118. I asked the staff at my local garden centre what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Tags: Garden Puns | Funny Gardening | Puns |
119. I'm so Grapeful for you.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
120. Rootin' for ya.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
121. Don't be Ranunculus.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
122. Please be SEEDED.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
123. Aloe Ha!
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
124. Congratulations on your big a-chive-ment.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
125. Say Aloe to my little friend.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
126. We were mint to be...
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns | Cute Puns |
127. When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns | Love Puns |
128. Ain’t nobody got thyme for that.
Tags: Garden Puns | Puns |
129. Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Brain Teaser Riddles | Lame Questions Answers | Sunscreen | Sun Puns |
130. What do bananas say when they answer the phone?
Yellow.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Lame Questions Answers |
131. How is a banana peel on the floor like music?
Because if you don’t C sharp you’ll B flat.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Brain Teaser Riddles | Music Puns |
132. What kind of a key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Brain Teaser Riddles |
133. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't PEELING well.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Lame Questions Answers |
134. Why did they cancel the ice cream social?
The banana split with the ice cream.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Ice Cream | Ice Puns |
135. What fruit do sheeps like the most?
Baaaaa-nanas.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Lame Questions Answers |
136. Where do bananas buy their clothes?
Banana Republic.
Tags: Banana Puns | Clothes | Puns |
137. Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Loneliness |
138. How did the baby banana become so spoiled?
Mama banana left him out in the sun for too long.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Garden Puns | Sun Puns |
139. These banana puns are making me peel unwell.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns |
140. Why did the banana go to the barbers?
Because it had split ends!
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns |
141. What do you call a fruit that's in charge of the company?
The top banana.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns |
142. What's yellow on the inside and green on the outside?
A banana disguised as a cucumber!
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Lame Questions Answers | Annoyingly Funny |
143. What would you do if you saw a blue banana?
Try to cheer it up.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns |
144. What's worst than a chimp eating bananas?
A chimp going bananas!
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns |
145. What did the Banana say to the therapist?
"All I PEEL is pain."
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns |
146. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a Banana.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Time Puns |
147. By hearing your suggestion, I’m peeling better now.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns | Advice |
148. Let me peel this moment!
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns |
149. She is the ripe one for you.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns |
150. Life is full of banana skins. You slip, you carry on.
Tags: Banana Puns | Puns |