What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.

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Puns Quotes

1. What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.


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2. I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones Argon.


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3. RIP boiling water. You will be mist.


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4. I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.


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5. I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.


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6. Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.


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7. My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…


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8. I have a fear of speed bumps

But i am slowly getting over it


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9. My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”


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10. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.


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11. What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.


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12. What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu


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13. I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.


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14. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
– Because they lactose.


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15. What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”


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16. Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.


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17. I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.


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18. If trees could kill you, they wood.


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19. So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world


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20. I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.


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21. If I’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?


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22. Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!


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23. I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.


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24. What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.


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25. Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny.


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26. What do you call it when worms take over the world?
Global Worming


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27. What kind of tree has hands?
A palm tree.


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28. What happened to the plant in math class?
It grew square roots.


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29. Thyme is of the essence.


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30. Frog parking. All others will be toad.


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31. Why do cats always get their way
They are very purr-suasive!


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32. Why did the cat wear a fancy dress?
She was feline fine!


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33. What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple!


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34. What did the cat say when it was confused? “I’m purr-plexed!”


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35. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?
Chocolate mouse!


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36. What do cats love to do in the morning?
Read the mewspaper!


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37. Why can’t cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs!


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38. Why are cats great singers?
Because they’re very mewsical!


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39. What should you say to your cat when you leave the house?
“Have a mice day!”


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40. What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain!


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41. What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school?
Hisss-tory!


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42. What types of cats purr the best?
Purrr-sians!


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43. Wanna hear a bad cat joke?
Just kitten!


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44. How do you make a fashionable cat happy?
Give her a new purr coat and she’ll be feline good.


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45. What do you call a cat that likes to read?
Litter-ate.


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46. What kind of sports car does a cat drive?
A Fur-rari.


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47. What do you call a cat that gets caught by law enforcement?
The purrpatrator.


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48. What word do millennial cats overuse?
Litter-ally


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49.

Funny Cat Puns For Your Pet


What was the cat’s favorite class in college?
Mew-sic


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50. What do you call it when a cat wins first place at a dog show?
A cat-has-trophy


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51. What is a cats favorite vegetable?
As-purr-agus.


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52. What did the cat say before he went skydiving?
It’s meow or never


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53. What do cats wear to sleep?
Paw-jamas


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54. What’s a humans most important trait?

Their Purr-sonality


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55. What was that cat’s favorite book?
The Great Catsby


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56. Who delivers presents to cats?
Santa-Claws


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57. What did the cat say when the mouse got away?
“You’ve got to be kitten me!”


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58.

Cat Pun Names



Catman (Batman)
Colin Fur-real (Colin Farrell)
Jean-Clawed Van Damme (Jean-Claude Van Damme)
William Scratchner (William Shatner)
Meowley Cyrus (Miley Cyrus)
William Shakespurr (William Shakespeare)


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59.

Cat Puns Word Play



Paw-sitive = Positive
Paws = Pause
Paw-lease = Please
Cat-titude = Attitude
Pro-cat-stination = Procrastination
Cat-astrophe = Catastrophe
Cathletic = Athletic
Caturday = Saturday
Mewment = Moment
Claw-some = Awesome
Feline = Feeling
Hiss-terical = Hysterical
Whispurr = Whisper
Purr-haps = Perhaps
Purr-ty = Pretty


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60. The way this kitty snuggles is giving me a loving feline!


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61. The litter box smelled claw-ful after not changing it for two weeks


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62. Did your cat just eat my tuna sandwich?
Purr-haps. It’s a paw-sibility.


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63. The hiss-tory of Ancient Egypt is littered with instances of cats being held in the highest esteem


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64. Paw-don me, were you trying sweep the floor? Let me just scratch the broom to death instead, sir.


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65. As our relationship grows, my cat has become fur-miliar with the fact that if he rubs up against my leg, he’s getting a treat.


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66. The idea that men should have paw-er over cats is preposterous. Come feed me, human.


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67. I petted my cat too aggressively back in 2004, now he doesn’t like to be touched. He will never fur-get.


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68. The single female cat howling in the alleyway was like mew-sic to the ears of all the single male cats in the area.


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69. Those slobbery, drooling dogs are so much more in-fur-ior to our supreme cat bloodline.


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70. As the cat purr-ceived, the tuna sandwich was now in fact his.


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71. Who’s a furry good kitty? Is it you? Yeah, I think it’s you!


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72. How are we doing with these cat puns?
So fur so good!


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73. My cat was found in pawsession of catnip.


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74. Stay Pawsitive!


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75. She’s got a bad Cattitude.


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76. Happy Purr–thday!


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77. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?

Mice cream.


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78. What is the difference between a comma and a cat?

One is a pause at the end of a clause, and the other has claws at the end of its paws.


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79. Turnip down for what?


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80. Lettuce be thankful


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81. I don’t carrot at all!!!


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82. Just dill with it


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83. Time to celery-brate


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84. I hope thistle cheer you up!


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85. Don’t kale my vibe


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86. I love you from my head tomatoes


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87. Good chives only


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88. I’m rooting for you!


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89. Wood you be mine?


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90. My heart beets for you


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91. I yam what I yam


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92. Absolutely Radishing.


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93. You had me at aloe.


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94.

Garden Love Puns



Aloe You Vera Much


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95. Be nice or leaf.


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96. Wish I could turn back thyme...


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97. Make thyme for loved ones...


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98. It’s Party thyme!


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99. Find Inner Peas.


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100. Good Thymes!


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101. Oh Kale Yeah!


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102. LETTUCE ROMAINE Friends.


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103. No FIG Deal!


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104. Don't let things BUG you.


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105. Look forward to the FUCHSIA


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106. I Love You BERRY Much.


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107. Orange you so sweet?


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108. Collateral Cabbage.


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109. THYME to TURNIP the BEET.


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110. BEES PLEASE!


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111. I Wet my Plants.


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112. That’s a bit mulch!


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113. Just one of ROSE things...


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114. I beg your garden?


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115. I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.


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116. I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.


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117. I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.


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118. I asked the staff at my local garden centre what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.


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119. I'm so Grapeful for you.


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120. Rootin' for ya.


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121. Don't be Ranunculus.


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122. Please be SEEDED.


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123. Aloe Ha!


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124. Congratulations on your big a-chive-ment.


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125. Say Aloe to my little friend.


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126. We were mint to be...


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127. When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.


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128. Ain’t nobody got thyme for that.


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129. Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?

Because they peel.


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130. What do bananas say when they answer the phone?
Yellow.


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131. How is a banana peel on the floor like music?
Because if you don’t C sharp you’ll B flat.


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132. What kind of a key opens a banana?
A monkey.


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133. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't PEELING well.


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134. Why did they cancel the ice cream social?
The banana split with the ice cream.


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135. What fruit do sheeps like the most?
Baaaaa-nanas.


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136. Where do bananas buy their clothes?
Banana Republic.


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137. Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.


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138. How did the baby banana become so spoiled?
Mama banana left him out in the sun for too long.


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139. These banana puns are making me peel unwell.


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140. Why did the banana go to the barbers?
Because it had split ends!


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141. What do you call a fruit that's in charge of the company?
The top banana.


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142. What's yellow on the inside and green on the outside?
A banana disguised as a cucumber!


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143. What would you do if you saw a blue banana?
Try to cheer it up.


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144. What's worst than a chimp eating bananas?
A chimp going bananas!


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145. What did the Banana say to the therapist?
"All I PEEL is pain."


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146. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a Banana.


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147. By hearing your suggestion, I’m peeling better now.


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148. Let me peel this moment!


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149. She is the ripe one for you.


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150. Life is full of banana skins. You slip, you carry on.

- Daphne Guinness


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