Well you obviously have a theory so why don’t YOU tell me.
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Sarcastic Quotes
1. Well you obviously have a theory so why don’t YOU tell me.
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2. One day Michael came in and complained about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.
Tags: TV Show Quotes | Sarcastic | The Office | Speed Bump | Highway |
3. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.
Tags: TV Show Quotes | Sarcastic | Fake Friendship | The Office | Ungrateful | Thankless |
4. Whenever I'm about to do something, I think,
'Would an idiot do that?' and if they would,
I do not do that thing.
Tags: TV Show Quotes | Idiot | Sarcastic | Thinking | Savage Comebacks | The Office | Do Something |
5. I’m not a millionaire.
I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close.
Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was 30.
Tags: TV Show Quotes | Money | Sarcastic | The Office | Millionaire | Time | Turning 30 | Turning 40 | Less Money |
6. Why are you the way that you are?
Tags: Burn | TV Show Quotes | Sarcastic | The Office | Oh God Why |
7. Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that every organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?
Tags: TV Show Quotes | Sarcastic | The Office | Genius | Sailor | Ship |
8. Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed’s brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top.
I’ve read some of it.
Even for the Internet, it’s… pretty shocking.
Tags: TV Show Quotes | Sarcastic | Blogging | Fool | The Office | Internet | Shocking |
9. I had a great summer. I got west nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it...
Tags: TV Show Quotes | Sarcastic | Things Getting Worse | Dumbness | The Office | Summer | Unaware |
10. Kelly: If I was you, I would just like, freak out and get really drunk, and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Pam: Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks.
Tags: TV Show Quotes | Drama | Sarcastic | Good Ideas | The Office | Thanks |
11. InshaAllah (noun):
A Magical land where 99% of all promises, presence and punctuality is stored.
Tags: Sarcastic | Promise | Funny Muslim Memes and Quotes | Inshallah | Punctuality | Magical Land | Quotes that will make you cry |
12. I'm sarcastic because punching people is so Haraam.
Tags: Sarcastic | Haram | Annoying People | Funny Muslim Memes and Quotes | Quotes that will make you cry |
13. Some women have mood swings... others have mood theme parks.
Tags: Mood Swings | Sarcastic | Theme Park |
14. You really do live in your own little world don't you?
Tags: TV Show Quotes | FRIENDS TV Show | Sarcastic | Savage Comebacks |
15. the quickest way to a man's heart is through 4th and 5th ribs
Tags: Incorrect | Funny | Quick | Sarcastic | Quotes that will make you cry |
16. A: [B], we tried things your way.
B: No, we didn't.
A: I did it in my head and it didn't work.
Tags: Incorrect | Funny | Conversation | Sarcastic | Quotes that will make you cry |
17. A: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.
Tags: Incorrect | Oops | Blood | Dumbness | Sarcastic |
18. A: So what do you have planned for the future?
B: Lunch.
A: No, like long term.
B: Oh...um, dinner?
Tags: Incorrect | Funny | Annoyingly Funny | Sarcastic | Conversation | Quotes that will make you cry |
19. Men cooking...
Because the last generation of mothers didn't teach their daughters shit
Tags: Men Cooking | Funny Memes | Generation Gap | Judgemental | Sarcastic |
20. I can't believe this - both of my boyfriends are cheating on me.
Tags: Cheating | Funny Cheating | Sarcastic | Hypocrisy | Funny Double Standard |
21. Is it remotely possible for you to carry on a conversation that's not loaded down with manure?
Tags: Bullshit | Savage Comebacks | Liar | Sarcastic | Conversation |
22. Did you just fall?
No, I was checking if gravity still works.
Tags: Sarcastic | Sarcasm | Joke | Savage Comebacks | Sassy |
23. My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Marriage Story | Marriage | Murder | Divorce | Sarcastic | Consideration | Seriousness |
24. Wife: I have changed my mind.
Husband: Does the new one work?
Tags: Funny Wife | Savage Comebacks | Sarcastic | Conversation | Question | Sassy | Burn |
25. My friend said, "What rhymes with banana?"
I replied: "No it doesn't".
Tags: Lame Questions Answers | Annoyingly Funny | Smart | Sarcastic |
26. When you wish upon a star...
you're actually a few million years late.
The star is dead.
Just like your dreams.
Tags: Dark | Dark Jokes | Sarcastic | Stars | Dream | Funny |
27. Silly me!
I never realized it's one rule for you and a completely different rule for me.
Tags: Funny Double Standard | Sarcastic | Arguments |
28. Oh, how double standard of you.
Tags: Funny Double Standard | Sarcastic |
29. To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
Tags: Criticism | Nothing To Lose | Nothing to Prove | Nothing | Sarcastic |
30. I hope you lose weight so there will be less of you.
Tags: Savage Comebacks | Insulting | Weight Loss | Irritated | Sarcastic |
31. I can only explain it to you. I cannot understand it for you.
Tags: Savage Comebacks | Understanding | Dumbness | Basic | Explanation | Sarcastic |
32. I don’t know how that’s a good thing, but ok.
33. Well you obviously have a theory so why don’t YOU tell me.
34. I am learning so much from you. Thank you. I never thought of that.
Tags: Learning | Sarcastic | Obvious | Stupid |
35. That was an attempted humor.
Tags: Sense Of Humor | Sarcastic |
36. so you two are together now... my condolences to both of you.
Tags: Sarcastic | Relationship |
37. Seems like the only logical solution.
Tags: Sarcastic |
38. You seem very determined to dislike me.
Tags: Sarcastic | Opinion | Judgemental | Dislike |
39. Thank you. I feel much better.
Tags: Sarcastic |
40. You just made a surprising amount of sense.
Tags: Sarcastic | Dumbness | Stupid People |
41. You don’t give a monkey a gun.
Tags: Monkey | Gun | Sarcastic | Crazy | Stupid People |
42. That is a bit disturbing- on a couple of levels.
Tags: Sarcastic | Disturbing |
43. You’re not helping
I’m not trying to.
44. Right, that’s not weird at all.
45. Shall we commence the awkward car ride back home?
Tags: Sarcastic |
46. I have found the least funny person on the entire planet.
Tags: Sense Of Humor | Sarcastic |