They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
Funny Depression Quotes
1. They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
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2. Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.
3. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
4. I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
5. My wife says she's leaving me because of my addiction to antidepressants. So I thought about it and realized; that’s great, then I won’t need them anymore.
6. I saw a book titled "Anxiety and Depression for Dummies" yesterday in the store... Not sure if it is appropriate to label someone looking for mental help a "dummy".
7. A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide”
The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back”
8. The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are
9. If you were a food what would you be?
Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy
Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends
Me- Donut, cause I’m so empty inside
10. My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.
11. They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
12. You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself
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13. So my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 23 years ago, but they didn’t actually tell me the joke.
14. Why doesn’t my egg wants to crack? Because I hate my egg-sistence.
15. Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died.
Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy.
Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well
16. Me: Knock knock
Friend: who’s there?
Me: I don’t know anymore
17. friend: how's it going?
me: good, things are good!
parent: how are you?
me: oh I'm fine!
Twitter: compose new tweet?
me: hellooooo l would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears &; let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it
18. "Sorry, just seeing this now!"
-Me to my deep seeded childhood trauma
19. me: [getting my heart shattered into a million pieces] haha no worries
20. when you're depressed but you still want to encourage your friends
21. My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, “I’m so sorry”
“... but you can’t count Missouri twice.”
22. The other day I tried an escape room called depression
And I did not escape
23. Whats the difference between a Ferrari and Depression?
I don't have the Ferrari.
24. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
25. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
26. Why did the donut start going to therapy?
It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
27. There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.
28. When life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, show life that you got biryani to smile.