They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
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Funny Depression Quotes
1. They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
Tags: Funny Depression | Useless | Self Doubt |
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2. Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.
Tags: Funny Depression | Depression | Diagnosis | Self Esteem |
3. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Tags: Funny Depression | Therapy | Peace | Better | Feel Good | Cake Puns |
4. I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Tags: Funny Depression | Psychiatry | Self Hate | Funny Motivational | Sad but Funny |
5. My wife says she's leaving me because of my addiction to antidepressants. So I thought about it and realized; that’s great, then I won’t need them anymore.
Tags: Funny Wife | Addiction | Funny Depression | Realization |
6. I saw a book titled "Anxiety and Depression for Dummies" yesterday in the store... Not sure if it is appropriate to label someone looking for mental help a "dummy".
Tags: Funny Depression | Anxiety | Depression | Dumbness | Self Help |
7. A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide”
The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back”
Tags: Funny Depression | Suicide |
8. The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are
Tags: Funny Depression | Suicide | Catch 22 | Paradox |
9. If you were a food what would you be?
Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy
Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends
Me- Donut, cause I’m so empty inside
Tags: Funny Depression | Emptiness | Loneliness | Funny Food | Donut Puns |
10. My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.
Tags: Funny Depression | Depression | Irony |
11. They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
Tags: Funny Depression | Useless | Self Doubt |
12. You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself
Tags: Funny Depression |
13. So my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 23 years ago, but they didn’t actually tell me the joke.
Tags: Funny Depression | Joke |
14. Why doesn’t my egg wants to crack? Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Tags: Funny Depression | Existential Crisis |
15. Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died.
Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy.
Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well
Tags: Funny Depression | Depression | Negativity | Good Vibes |
16. Me: Knock knock
Friend: who’s there?
Me: I don’t know anymore
Tags: Funny Depression | Existential Crisis | Knock Knock |
17. friend: how's it going?
me: good, things are good!
parent: how are you?
me: oh I'm fine!
Twitter: compose new tweet?
me: hellooooo l would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears &; let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it
Tags: Funny Depression | Nothing To Hide | Feelings |
18. "Sorry, just seeing this now!"
-Me to my deep seeded childhood trauma
Tags: Funny Depression | Trauma | Raising Children |
19. me: [getting my heart shattered into a million pieces] haha no worries
Tags: Funny Depression | Nothing To Hide | Speak | Express Yourself | Heart Break |
20. when you're depressed but you still want to encourage your friends
Tags: Funny Depression | Funny Motivational | Encouragement |
21. My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, “I’m so sorry”
“... but you can’t count Missouri twice.”
Tags: Funny Depression | America | Quotes that make you think | Deep Jokes |
22. The other day I tried an escape room called depression
And I did not escape
Tags: Funny Depression | Running Away |
23. Whats the difference between a Ferrari and Depression?
I don't have the Ferrari.
Tags: Funny Depression | Ferrari | Difference |
24. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
Tags: Funny Depression | Anger | Denial | Depression | Accept | Saturday | Sunday |
25. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Tags: Coffee Puns | Funny Depression |
26. Why did the donut start going to therapy?
It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
Tags: Donut Puns | Therapy | Funny Depression |
27. There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.
Tags: Life Struggle | Soul | Hitting Rock Bottom | Hardship | Difficulty | Funny Motivational | Funny Depression |
28. When life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, show life that you got biryani to smile.
Tags: Biryani | Funny Life | Funny Depression | Funny Hindi | Funny Motivational | Sad but Funny | Funny Instagram Captions | Funny Food |