Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking ...
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Funny Marriage Quotes
1. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Marriage |
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2. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Tags: Funny Wife | Funny Marriage |
3. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Tags: Funny Wife | Funny Marriage |
4. Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurassic Park.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Walking | Park |
5. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
Tags: Funny | Funny Marriage | Slow | Patience |
6. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Marriage |
7. My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Marriage Story | Marriage | Murder | Divorce | Sarcastic | Consideration | Seriousness |
8. Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
Tags: Funny Marriage |
9. A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.
Tags: Funny Marriage |
10. Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Vitamin | Supportive | Needs |
11. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
Tags: Mind Games | Funny Marriage | Reverse Psychology | Psychology | Self Esteem | Insecurities | Validation | Approval |
12. The most important four words for a successful marriage: I’ll do the dishes.
Tags: Funny Marriage |
13. Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; Marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry the trash out.
Tags: Marriage | Funny Marriage | Spirituality | Responsibility |
14. Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Irony | Hypothetical | Planning |
15. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Tags: Funny Marriage |
16. Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.
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17. If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Psychology |
18. Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Marriage | Planning | Perspective | Bigger Picture | Relationship Goals |
19. Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Soulmate | Prison |
20. When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.
Tags: Funny Marriage |
21. A man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Tags: Funny Marriage | Beauty | Character | Decision | Bigger Picture | Perspective | Logic |
22. Never laugh at your wife's choices. You are one of them.
Tags: Funny Wife | Funny Marriage | Choices | Judgemental |
23. We both said 'I Do' and we haven't agreed on a single thing since.
Tags: Funny Marriage |
24. You know you are in a very happy marriage when the person still gives you the same feelings you get when you see your food coming at a restaurant.
Tags: Love | Funny Love | Marriage | Funny Marriage |
25. What did the two coffee enthusiasts say when they got married? We’re meant to bean together!
Tags: Coffee Puns | Funny Marriage | Love Puns | Bean Puns |
26. Height of misunderstanding – A man marrying his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before.
Tags: Misunderstanding | Funny Love | Funny Marriage |