If you live for the weekends and vacations, your sh*t is broke ...
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1. If you live for the weekends and vacations, your sh*t is broken.
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2. Well you are worse than I thought.
3. Did you hear that? It’s the sound of no one caring…
4. Woman: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee."
Man: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
5. You have a face not even a mother could love.
6. I can get a plastic surgery to fix my ugliness, you on the other hand will be stupid for eternity.
7. You’re gay.
You wish i was.
8. I am happier than you are.
9. At least I smell good.
10. Yeah, that's no problem, you're not my type anyway.
11. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
12. Stupidity isn't a crime, so you’re free to go.
13. If I had a face like yours I’d sue my parents.
14. You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
15. I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
16. You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
17. I don’t exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.
18. Shock me, say something intelligent.
19. You have the perfect face for radio.
20. Damn not you again.
21. I fart to make you smell better.
22. 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
23. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
24. If I am ugly then you must be hideous
25. Guys like you are why girls turn into lesbians.
26. Your only purpose in life is as an organ donor.
27. Have a nice day, somewhere else.
28. "Wanna hear a joke?"
"No, thanks I am already looking at one!"
29. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
30. If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
31. Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
32. Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
33. You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
34. I had a nightmare. I dreamed I was you.
35. Nice shirt, what brand is it? Clearance?
36. You have enough fat to make another human.
37. I am not anti-social. I just don’t like you.
38. You shouldn't talk about your mom like that.
39. The 80s called. They want their haircut back.
The 1880s called, too. They want their joke back.
40. Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?
Couldn’t help it. One look at you and I started to vomit.
41. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better argument than yours.
Well it would be a nice change from all the crap that’s been coming out of your mouth!
42. Is that perfume or marinade?
Actually, it’s jerk repellent, but it doesn’t seem to be working.
43. Do they make those pants in men’s sizes?
Why, are you looking for something to get your wife?
44. How’s the wife and my kids?
Your kids? That explains why they’re so ugly.
45. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?
46. Some day you’ll go far — and I really hope you stay there.
47. Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
48. I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.
49. Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in awhile, but you really abuse the privilege.
50. Good story, but in what chapter do you shut the fuck up?
51. Don’t hate me because I’m smart. Hate me because your girlfriend thinks so.
52. Are you always such an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?
53. You have a right to your opinion and I have a right to ignore it.
54. I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize that it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullshit.
55. It's scary to think that people like you are graduating from college.
56. That's why you shouldn't speak until you're spoken to.
57. You better hope you marry rich.
58. Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.
59. If everywhere you go there’s a problem.. Guess what?
60. No really, it’s adorable when you blame everyone but yourself.
61. I think some people enjoy complaining almost as much as they enjoy doing nothing about it.
62. You. Cut out that egocentric control bullshit now.
63. I’m sorry that the control freak in you activates the psycho bitch in me.
64. Oh yes, let’s ignore everything I just said and talk some more about you.
65. I don’t know why you think you have a psychic ability to read me!
66. It’s called originality, you should try it sometime.
67. Thanks for trying so hard to be just like me. I wouldn’t want to be you, either.
68. You were born an original don’t die a copy.
69. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
70. You would argue with a fence post.
71. Being right isn’t nearly as important as knowing when to shut up.
72. Open your mind not your mouth.
73. Since you know everything, then you know you’re an asshole.
74. I didn’t realize you were an expert on my life and how I should live it!
Continue while I take notes.
75. That’s the most pretentious thing I’ve ever heard.
76. Where’s your off button?
77. Are you collecting chins?
Where is your neck?
78. I thought you were attractive, but then you opened your mouth.
79. Q: On which side does a chicken have the most
feathers?
A: The outside.
80. If you learn from your mistakes, you are intelligent. If you learn from someone else's mistake, you are wise.
81. If you can't face the wolves , don’t go in to the forest.
82. Never let someone who has done nothing, tell you how to do anything
83. Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
84. Have dreams, but also have goals. Daily goals, monthly goals, Quarterly goals and yearly goals.
85. The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you've just told them.
86. Keep your "luck" shit in your pocket!
87. Social entrepreneurs are not content just to give a fish or teach how to fish.
They will not rest until they have revolutionized the fishing industry.
88. The true entrepreneur is a doer, not a dreamer.
89. And those who urge entrepreneurs to never give up? Charlatans.
Sometimes you have to give up.
Sometimes knowing when to give up, when to try something else, is genius.
Giving up doesn’t mean stopping.
Don’t ever stop.
90. The very act of becoming an entrepreneur is contrarian to middle class values, study hard, get a good job, be happy with secure income and steady salary.
91. While others were dreaming about it - I was getting it done.
92. Self-employed people work where they live.
Entrepreneurs live where they work.
93. Make it simple. Make it memorable. Make it inviting to look at. Make it fun to read.
94. There is never a bad time to start a business.
95. If you live for the weekends and vacations, your sh*t is broken.
96. You can market your ass off, but if your product sucks, you’re dead.
97. Know yourself. Choose the right medium, choose the right topic, create awesome content, and you can make a lot of money being happy.
98. Social marketing is now a 24-7 job.
99. The biggest mistake I see influencers make is, they’ll work with every brand on the planet. It’s all about how many brands can they work with, not about the audience, not about the readership. I see no longevity there.
I’m more focused on building my own brand than other people’s brands.
100. Questions to Ask When Creating Facebook Micro-Content.
Is the text too long?
Is it provocative, entertaining, or surprising?
Is the photo striking and high-quality?
Is the logo visible?
Have we chosen the right format for the post?
Is the call to action in the right place?
Is this interesting in any way, to anyone? For real?
Are we asking too much of the person consuming the content?
101. If you’re not producing content, you don’t exist.
102. Today’s perfect right hooks always include three characteristics:
They make the call to action simple and easy to understand.
They are perfectly crafted for mobile, as well as all digital devices.
They respect the nuances of the social network for which you are making the content.
103. Ads and marketing are supposed to make consumers feel something and then act on that feeling.
104. The word-of-mouth power in one interested person has unbelievable reach.
105. Creating skillful native content has little to do with selling and a lot to do with skillful storytelling.
106. Now, if you truly understand how marketing works today, you know there is no individual six-month campaign; there’s only the 365-day campaign, during which you produce new content daily.
107. Today, entertainment and escapism are prized above almost anything else. Consumers want infotainment, not information. Information is cheap and plentiful; information wrapped in a story, however, is special. Brands need to storytell around their content to make it enticing, not just put it out for passive consumption like a boring platter of cubed cheese.
108. Vagueness sucks. Lack of drive sucks. Half-assing things sucks. And so does the middle.
109. On Facebook, the definition of great content is not the content that makes the most sales, but the content that people most want to share with others.
110. The user who became your fan in 2010 will not be the same fan in 2014.
111. Your story isn’t powerful enough if all it does is lead the horse to water; it has to inspire the horse to drink, too.
112. Investing in a startup does not make you an entrepreneur any more than buying a grand piano makes you a concert pianist.
113. Do not write to impress others. Authors who write to impress people have difficulty remaining true to themselves.
A better path is to write what pleases you and pray that there are others like you.
Your first and most important reader is you. If you write a book that pleases you, at least you know one person will like it.
114. An entrepreneur without funding is a musician without an instrument.
115. Pivoting is not the end of the disruption process, but the beginning of the next leg of your journey.
116. The real challenge is for each of us to determine where we feel we can make the most impact.
117. The aim of marketing is to know and understand the customer so well, the product or service fits him and sells itself.
118. Good Marketing makes the company look smart.
Great Marketing makes the customer feel smart.
119. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
120. Think like a Millionaire.
Hustle like a broke.
121. There’s something i always wanted to say to you.
I don’t really understand your jokes.
I mean, they don’t make me laugh, but you always laugh at them.
122. Each thinking mind is a political mind.
123. “Booyakasha!”
- Ali G