I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to ...

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Puns Quotes

1. I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.


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Tags: Puns   |    Loneliness   |   



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2. RIP boiling water. You will be mist.


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Tags: Water Puns   |    Puns   |   

3. I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.


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Tags: Fire Puns   |    Puns   |    Wild   |   

4. I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.


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Tags: Puns   |    Breakfast Puns   |   



5. Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.


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Tags: Animal Puns   |    Banana Puns   |    Puns   |    Poor Joke   |    Time Puns   |   

6. My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…


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Tags: Cow Puns   |    Puns   |   



7. I have a fear of speed bumps

But i am slowly getting over it


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Tags: Driving Puns   |    Puns   |   



8. My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”


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Tags: Water Puns   |    Puns   |    Poor Joke   |    Card Puns   |   

9. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.


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10. What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.


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Tags: Puns   |    Overweight   |   



11. What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu


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12. I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.


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Tags: Puns   |    Loneliness   |   

13. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
– Because they lactose.


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Tags: Cow Puns   |    Puns   |    Lame Questions Answers   |   



14. What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”


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Tags: Sister Puns   |    Puns   |   

15. Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.


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Tags: Sun Puns   |    Puns   |    Annoyingly Funny   |    Poor Joke   |   

16. I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.


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Tags: Airplane Puns   |    Puns   |   



17. If trees could kill you, they wood.


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Tags: Tree Puns   |    Puns   |   

18. So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world


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Tags: Puns   |    What If   |   

19. I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.


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Tags: Brain Puns   |    Puns   |   



20. If I’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?


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Tags: Puns   |    Lame Questions Answers   |   

21. Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!


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Tags: Soda Puns   |    Puns   |    Beach Puns   |   

22. I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.


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Tags: Soda Puns   |    Puns   |   



23. What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.


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Tags: Funny Gardening   |    Tree Puns   |    Puns   |    Garden Puns   |   

24. Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny.


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Tags: Funny Gardening   |    Garden Puns   |    Puns   |   

25. What do you call it when worms take over the world?
Global Worming


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Tags: Funny Gardening   |    Global Warming   |    Puns   |    Garden Puns   |   



26. What kind of tree has hands?
A palm tree.


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Tags: Funny Gardening   |    Brain Teaser Riddles   |    Brain Puns   |    Tree Puns   |    Puns   |    Garden Puns   |   

27. What happened to the plant in math class?
It grew square roots.


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Tags: Funny Gardening   |    Tree Puns   |    Puns   |    Garden Puns   |   

28. Thyme is of the essence.


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Tags: Garden Puns   |    Puns   |    Funny Gardening   |   



29. Frog parking. All others will be toad.


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Tags: Animal Puns   |    Puns   |    Frog Puns   |   

30. Why do cats always get their way
They are very purr-suasive!


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

31. Why did the cat wear a fancy dress?
She was feline fine!


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   



32. What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple!


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33. What did the cat say when it was confused? “I’m purr-plexed!”


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34. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?
Chocolate mouse!


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35. What do cats love to do in the morning?
Read the mewspaper!


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

36. Why can’t cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs!


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

37. Why are cats great singers?
Because they’re very mewsical!


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   



38. What should you say to your cat when you leave the house?
“Have a mice day!”


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

39. What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain!


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

40. What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school?
Hisss-tory!


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   



41. What types of cats purr the best?
Purrr-sians!


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

42. Wanna hear a bad cat joke?
Just kitten!


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

43. How do you make a fashionable cat happy?
Give her a new purr coat and she’ll be feline good.


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   



44. What do you call a cat that likes to read?
Litter-ate.


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

45. What kind of sports car does a cat drive?
A Fur-rari.


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

46. What do you call a cat that gets caught by law enforcement?
The purrpatrator.


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47. What word do millennial cats overuse?
Litter-ally


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48.

Funny Cat Puns For Your Pet


What was the cat’s favorite class in college?
Mew-sic


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49. What do you call it when a cat wins first place at a dog show?
A cat-has-trophy


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50. What is a cats favorite vegetable?
As-purr-agus.


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

51. What did the cat say before he went skydiving?
It’s meow or never


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

52. What do cats wear to sleep?
Paw-jamas


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   



53. What’s a humans most important trait?

Their Purr-sonality


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

54. What was that cat’s favorite book?
The Great Catsby


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

55. Who delivers presents to cats?
Santa-Claws


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56. What did the cat say when the mouse got away?
“You’ve got to be kitten me!”


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

57.

Cat Pun Names



Catman (Batman)
Colin Fur-real (Colin Farrell)
Jean-Clawed Van Damme (Jean-Claude Van Damme)
William Scratchner (William Shatner)
Meowley Cyrus (Miley Cyrus)
William Shakespurr (William Shakespeare)


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

58.

Cat Puns Word Play



Paw-sitive = Positive
Paws = Pause
Paw-lease = Please
Cat-titude = Attitude
Pro-cat-stination = Procrastination
Cat-astrophe = Catastrophe
Cathletic = Athletic
Caturday = Saturday
Mewment = Moment
Claw-some = Awesome
Feline = Feeling
Hiss-terical = Hysterical
Whispurr = Whisper
Purr-haps = Perhaps
Purr-ty = Pretty


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   



59. The way this kitty snuggles is giving me a loving feline!


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

60. The litter box smelled claw-ful after not changing it for two weeks


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

61. Did your cat just eat my tuna sandwich?
Purr-haps. It’s a paw-sibility.


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   



62. The hiss-tory of Ancient Egypt is littered with instances of cats being held in the highest esteem


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63. Paw-don me, were you trying sweep the floor? Let me just scratch the broom to death instead, sir.


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   

64. As our relationship grows, my cat has become fur-miliar with the fact that if he rubs up against my leg, he’s getting a treat.


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Tags: Cat Puns   |    Puns   |   



65. The idea that men should have paw-er over cats is preposterous. Come feed me, human.


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